mount zion coffee

(we're not quick)

 
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Frequently asked questions

1. What is mzc?

coffee and stuff, used to be ok, now kinda average. how times change.

2. What do you do?

sell slow, pretentious, expensive coffee.

3. So, Mount Zion, bit controv no?

st ives was an early adopter of Methodism and as such has many streets and alleys containing biblical references; Mount Zion, Bethesda Hill to name but a couple. controversy isn't in our nature.

4. I love the Daily Mail, will I like MZC?

no. you will hate it. you will hate the shop, the coffee and the staff, they are half German and should probably be sent back.

5. Can I have a strong coffee?

no.

6. I know about coffee, can I tell you how to make my drink?

if you have recently been the recipient of a nationally or internationally recognised coffee award I would be more than happy to take your advice and guidance on the preparation of coffee based beverages. if you have not, starting your own coffee shop will be a fantastic platform for you to showcase your breadth of knowledge and talent.

7. What is a cappuccino/latte?

a cappuccino is a vague frothy milk-based mess over any amount of coffee in any size cup. a latte is any amount of hot milk (frothy or not) over any amount of coffee in any sized cup.

why are you still trying to order foreign sounding drinks since we've taken back control??

8. Are you willing to give up a 5 pound sale over 2 ounces of milk?

in short; yes. the harsh realities of brexit and covid19 have forced us to climb down on this one, with the introduction of the "non-specific milk drink", an 8oz cup containing a double shot of espresso and a large quantity of steamed milk.

9. How long have you been here?

since 2014 but the building predates this, lovingly updated over time, it now features running water and electricity. We have tried to keep it largely the same as we're some of the few who remember st ives before "its conversion [...] into a major tourist attraction" (St Ives CSUS report, 2003).

from 1949-2014 it was the shop/workshop for Faust and Wharton Lang. langsculpture.co.uk

10. You're wearing a mask, can I tell you all about how 5G caused Covid-19 and the moon landings were faked?

have you tried injecting bleach? (always consult a medical professional first)

11. Do you like being canvassed to buy products and services?

no. but I may find your attempts amusing. calls may be recorded for training and monitoring purposes.

12. Google said you were open...

Google/Facebook/"the internet" say lots of things. mzc isn't employed by "the internet" so whatever "the internet" may say about opening times isn't our responsibility.

13. Intolerances and allergies

we make reasonable efforts to cater to those with dairy & gluten intolerances and attempt to ensure the safety of those with allergies. Due to having only one jug rinser there is a small risk that all hot drinks maybe contaminated with lactose from dairy milk and gluten from oat milk therefore if you have a serious allergy to either of these be sure to inform us. our hot chocolate contains traces of milk.

14. What does BREXIT mean for the British coffee industry?

whilst BREXIT has caused inconvenience to some minor sectors of the UK economy such as manufacturing, financial services, fishing, farming, pharmaceuticals, travel, transport, freight & logistics, scientific research and education, this could all be offset by a raft of fantastic, ground breaking, new, exciting and superlative laden opportunities in the near future.

with Europeans trying to impose tariffs and regulations on imports, exports and goods transiting through their so called "countries", there has never been a better time for the plucky British spirit of agrarianism to seize the day and wholeheartedly embrace native coffee production and frantic flag waving.

I for one will be spending my bounce-back loan on buying a greenhouse on the top of Ben Nevis (1345 MASL) and leading the vanguard of a brave, new, pioneering, mid-altitude, all British coffee farming enterprise.

#ithinkimighthavetakenbackcontrol

15. What does an Australia style trade deal mean?

an Australia style trade deal clearly means streamlining European trade routes with those of Australia.

carefully implemented customs and border checks are already helping shipping durations achieve and exceed the "gold standard" 40 days, matching sea-freight from Australia.

the improved 6 week shipping period should give you ample time to learn all about the exciting new fees and charges.

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